How it all turns out
by dark-spirited Bakura
Summary: Have you ever wondered how things might turn out at the end of Naruto? These are some possibilities I came up with. Major crack ahead!


**Okay, I'm writing this at three in the morning and as a result the following story will make absolutely no sense whatsoever. Enjoy the crack.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, most of the stuff that happens here would happen in the actual series.**

**Summary: Have you ever wondered how things might turn out at the end of Naruto? These are some possibilities I came up with. Major crack ahead!**

**Warnings: Some language, and just be up to date with the manga. I shall repeat: major crack ahead!**

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><p>Tobi grinned under his mask as he stared down at the dead body of Naruto Uzumaki, Kabuchimaru standing beside him. "We really did it."<p>

"Yes we did, sir," Kabuchimaru said, snake tail waving behind him.

Tobi ripped off his mask and his black wig, throwing them in the air and doing some fist pumps. "I did it! I really really did it! I really really did it!"

Kabuchimaru stared at "Tobi's" face, jaw sagging. "K-K-K…"

"What, are you surprised or something?" he said, raising an eyebrow.

"K-K-Ki-" the medical nin fainted, crushing his snake and suffocating it.

Kimimaro stared down at him. "Was it really that much of a surprise?" he wondered to himself. "I mean, I know it's not likely that after I was buried under all that sand I was able to miraculously cure my serious injuries and fatal sickness, find a dead Uchiha's body and steal his Sharingan and then purchase a mask and a black wig and then go back in time to defeat the fourth Hokage with the nine-tails, then come back to the present and become leader of the Akatsuki and then steal the Rinnegan from Nagato after he died… okay maybe that does sound a little far-fetched," he mused.

He shrugged, walking off to put a Genjutsu on the moon to control the world.

**(Meanwhile, thousands of miles away)**

Hidan stared at the dirt covering him, completely and absolutely bored. "This sucks. I mean it wouldn't be so fucking bad if I had my damn body, but no, I'm just a fucking SEVERED HEAD SITTING IN A HOLE!" he screamed.

Then he heard voices above him. His eyes widened. "Hey, get me the fuck out of here!" he yelled as loud as he could. Hidan nearly fainted in relief as he heard the sounds of a shovel scraping against dirt. He had never felt so happy in his life.

Soon he heard more than one shovel going; it actually sounded like thousands of them but the Jashinist put it down to his imagination.

He was now able to see light, and he thanked Jashin that someone had finally found him. He was finally free!

That was, until he heard excited squealing. This could only mean one thing: fangirls! Hidan screamed in terror as he was picked up by a very giggly girl. "I found his head!" she shouted, causing all the other fangirls to squish together and fight for it.

"I want to be put back in my fucking hole!" Hidan yelled, mortified as he was tossed back and forth in the mob.

"I found his body!" another shout came from somewhere. More than half the crowd left to go fight for the possession of his lower half.

"Help me, Kakuzu!" Hidan cried. The yaoi fangirls were sent into mad giggling fits.

From somewhere in Money Heaven, Kakuzu started laughing evilly.

**(Meanwhile, thousands of miles away)**

Jiraiya opened his eyes, looking around and being very confused. He was underwater! But he was breathing… "I'm a fish!" he decided, swimming away and puckering his lips.

"Now to go find some pretty fish ladies! And do some research for my newest book!"

He went on to become a famous author in Atlantis, and was very popular with the fish ladies.

**(Meanwhile, thousands of miles away)**

Deidara sighed as he stared at the inside of the puppet he was trapped in. "Will someone save me already, un?" he yelled, kicking the walls.

As if by magic, the puppet fell apart and he was out! "I'm free!" he screamed, running around in circles. "Now to go make some art, un!"

Five days later, Konoha had been violently blown up by a giant star shaped explosion, and the phrase "Art is a bang" became greatly feared throughout the nation.

From somewhere in Puppet Heaven, Sasori felt himself die inside.

**(Meanwhile, thousands of miles away)**

Suigetsu walked through a forest in the middle of nowhere happily. He dragged seven very heavy swords behind him that he had scavenged from the battlefield. His life quest was now fulfilled; what was he to do now though?

He pondered this, sipping some water out of a bottle. "I know! I'll start a restaurant!" he nodded, satisfied with his answer.

Suigetsu built a restaurant and named it "Sushi Palace", right next to a place called "Itachi's Institute for the Blind". It was a huge success.

**(Meanwhile, thousands of miles away**)

Hinata stared bemusedly at the sight before her, petting Akamaru's head. Kiba and Shino were having a fight to the death on the edge of a very high cliff. They were arguing about whether dogs or bugs were better, and were now starting to take it very seriously.

"Akamaru could squish your tiny bugs without even trying, insect boy!"

"You are sadly mistaken, my insects have incredibly hard shells and are impervious to nearly all attacks."

The Hyuuga sighed as the fight continued. Suddenly Shino fell off the cliff!

Kiba stared in horror as the bug man was splattered all over the place at the bottom.

"Gotcha," Shino said, pushing Kiba off the cliff. "Learn to tell the difference between an insect clone and the real thing, please."

**(Meanwhile, thousands of miles away)**

"Well, now that we're alive again, escaped from Kakashi, and have no more reasons to kill people, what should we do?" Zabuza asked, very bored.

"I have no idea," Haku said, a thoughtful look on his girlish face.

Suddenly a wild piece of clay fell from the sky! It fell on the ground in front of Haku. He blinked slowly, picking it up. It was smooth, with two pointy edges. "Hey Zabuza, think fast!" Haku grinned, throwing the clay at the sword-less swordsman.

Zabuza caught it, giving the piece of clay a strange look. "Are you sure this is safe?"

"Nope!" Haku said cheerfully. They threw the piece of clay back and forth all throughout their journey.

This new sport was introduced into the ninja world, and became popular quickly. And therefore, Football was invented. Haku became a star quarterback and Zabuza became a famous coach.

**(Meanwhile, thousands of miles away)**

Black Zetsu, with his magical powers he apparently has, was able to revive White Zetsu and they are now happily reunited. Zetsu went on to lead a yoga class. He also gave up on cannibalism and converted to vegetarian.

"Now, hold this position with grace, my young grasshoppers," White Zetsu said solemnly, balancing on one leg.

"Yes. Wait a minute, grasshoppers?" Black Zetsu asked, confused.

"What, is it a bad name? I thought it sounded calming," White Zetsu replied, attempting to keep their balance.

"But it makes them look so… tasty," Black Zetsu said hungrily.

"No no no, we don't eat people anymore, remember? Now repeat after me: humans are friends, not food," White Zetsu said.

"But–"

"No buts."

"Okay…"

"Good."

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><p><strong>So yeah. 3 in the morning, sleep deprived, and high on Mountain Dew. What did you think? Should I write more? You guys decide. Give me some characters I should write about next time in your reviews if you want a continuation :)<strong>


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